


and stars above

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23650030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Phil's drinking on the balcony at 3 am.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 17
Kudos: 192





	and stars above

Red Velvet Bailey's tastes better when consumed on a balcony at three in the morning, Phil decides. 

That conclusion may be influenced slightly by the fact that it is, indeed, three in the morning - and by the fact that this is the last bottle of alcohol left in the house, stored away in the back of the fridge after a Valentine's Day cocktail making experiment. 

The moon is pretty and the Bailey's is thick and heavy on his tongue. He swallows it down and it feels like it's swirling through his body, floating up to his head and settling warm in his gut at the same time. 

It's peaceful outside. It makes him feel peaceful, a world away from the dream he was ripped out of half an hour before. He stretches his legs out and curls his bare toes against the scratchy material of the lounge chair. He couldn't sleep out here, but his mind doesn't want to sleep anyway. 

It just wants to think, untethered. 

Everything feels untethered lately. 

He hates it in a practical way. He wants to go out for nice meals. He wants to see his family. He wants to blow the dust off all the ideas for videos about town that he'd been amassing. He wants game nights with friends. He wants to shrug off the growing claustrophobia that sneaks up on him. He wants to stop feeling the dream wrap its tendrils around him while Dan's watching the news. 

But in other ways, separated out from the circumstances that caused it, a respite from normality hasn't been the worst for his imagination. He's started half a dozen novels in the past few weeks - writing, not reading. He can never wait too long to share his ideas with Dan, but that's alright. Dan likes it when Phil narrates them aloud to him. He'll tell Phil the parts that seem confusing and sometimes it leads to a long rambling session of adults playing pretend, building upon facets of a story together just to see where they can take it the same way Phil had at eight years old with plastic figures clutched in his sticky fingers. 

He takes another drink. 

"You realize every time I wake up in the middle of the night and you're not there, I immediately assume you've passed the fuck out somewhere and given yourself a concussion, right?" Dan asks. 

Phil jumps. The bottle almost drops out of his hand, but he manages to catch it. It's empty enough now that it doesn't even slosh out of the sides. "Oh my god, Dan! You nearly gave me a heart attack." 

Dan sits in the seat by Phil. He has a blanket wrapped around him and he's probably not wearing anything else. "What are you drinking? I thought we finished off the wine last week." 

"The Bailey's," Phil says. 

Dan pretends to gag.

It's not the most inaccurate response, Phil can agree. 

"It's like drinking dessert," he argues anyway, holding it out for Dan. "Three am liquid dessert." 

"What's so bad that you needed to drink your feelings at three am?" Dan takes it and takes a sip, wincing at the taste. 

Phil doesn't think it's _that_ bad.

"I didn't," Phil says. "I'm not drinking feelings. I'm drinking... thoughts." 

"What thoughts are you drinking away?" 

"Not away," Phil corrects him again. "I'm drinking to encourage." 

"Is this like, some weird writing advice you found on the internet?" Dan asks. 

"Write drunk, edit sober," Phil says. "I think that was... Shakespeare." 

"I don't know who it was, but it definitely wasn't Shakespeare." 

"Actually," Phil says. "I wanted some milk but we're out and I saw this instead." 

"Okay that makes more sense. And outside, why?" 

"Because," Phil says. "I wanted to see what the moon looked like." 

They both look up. The moon isn't really visible, just a yellow glow emanating from behind the gray fluffiness of a cloud. 

"Right," Dan says. "You're fucking weird, mate." 

"You like it," Phil points out. "So I think that says more about you than me." 

"You think that's more of a burn than it is." 

"I'll burn your mum." Phil grabs the liquor back. He doesn't really taste it much anymore.

"And there we have it." Dan sighs exaggeratedly. "Don't come calling me for me when that completely rips your stomach up, by the way. And we're still rationing the toilet roll." 

Phil scrunches his face up. "Ew." 

Dan scrunches down into his blanket. "You're really okay, though?" 

"Yeah," Phil says, smiling over at Dan. He looks cute all burrito'd up like that. "I'm really okay, I promise. I just couldn't get back to sleep. I thought a drink might help." 

"If you say so." Dan yawns. "Think you can sleep now?" 

Phil shrugs. He lifts the bottle up and finishes it off. It somehow tastes sweeter for being gone now. "Maybe." 

He was sort of enjoying the peace and quiet, but he also knows he can't send Dan off now alone knowing Dan won't be able to get back to sleep alone. He doesn't mind, though. It's a choice, not a chore. 

He stands, knees popping. The world sways just a tiny bit. He's not drunk - just... a tiny bit fizzy on the inside. 

Tucked back under his sheets with Dan radiating warmth beside him, he falls asleep almost right away.


End file.
